Pirolli Digital Sketchbook

Recent Posts

  • Creativity vs Generativity

    Creativity and Generativity are wildly different concepts and practices. To make something just for the sake of making something without any real thought or passion and / or just to make a quick buck is generativity. One generates a thing for a specific and artless purpose. As they say “trained rats could do that” or maybe more to the effect of “a thousand apes at a thousand typewriters would produce Shakespeare given enough time”. And we totally have that today in the whole Generative AI slop community.

    Yes, it makes something. Is it good? That’s somewhat a matter of opinion. I call it clanker slop. Pure garbage. Utter trash. Absolute shit. And I have similar words and feelings for those that use AI to do the making that a person would normally have done, ie. image making or writing. I’m not going to call what AI makes anything near “art” or “creative”. However it is generative, as it says in the name. Does AI have a place in society? No. But maybe in the manufacturing world, or mining industry, perhaps something generally too dangerous for a human to do or do safely. Like nuclear or chemical waste management and remediation. By all means I encourage industry to produce machines that can think enough to do that kind of a job. I know we need to start somewhere with the use of AI, however I’m not sure we have started where is best for the product or the people of Earth. Quite the opposite.

    The Boston Dynamics robots that can walk themselves around, jump up and down obstacles, and even dance are terrifying as well. Both the humanoid and the quadrupedal robots alike. something about them having all this ability and nothing behind it is deeply concerning. I understand how they are telling us that they have to be controlled by humans at this point however at some point they will be more autonomous if not completely AI driven. This is how we get Terminators. Not with a bang, but a whimper. Maybe a little bit of both. More will be revealed.

    I’m off topic.

    Creativity is not just generating an end result, a product. It takes something more in the way of thought, inspiration, an idea, willpower. I’m not completely sure I’ve reached the right word for what I’m trying to say, and I don’t know if I ever will. That’s human. Writing a prompt and making a machine do all of the actual labor of generating the thing is absolutely not being creative. It’s one thing to have an idea and totally different to execute it. I’ve heard some say that they have all these ideas yet not the skill, time, patience, ability, to produce the idea. To that I have nothing to say besides “tough, we all lack time, patience is a virtue and virtue is it’s own reward, learn the skill, develop the ability”.

    I have ideas and lack all of the above to really bring out what I see in my mind. But I make do and make the damn thing myself, poorly usually but I still make the effort and make the thing. Is this poorly written? Maybe, most likely.

    YouTube can teach you anything if you have the time to sit and watch a video on it. It’ll give you the foundation and then you can go out and hone the skill yourself. I’ll admit I’m coming from a place where I worked really hard on developing skills and I had an amazing support system and teachers throughout the process but that doesn’t mean I did nothing for myself. Teachers gave me the foundational skills and I used books and YouTube and ‘zines and other people to help hone the skills to a moderate edge. I’m far from the best. Never will be. As I was told a number of times “it’ll never be an Audubon Society print or drawing”. But whatever. That’s not the point. It was never the goal.

    Ultimately I do what I do because I like to do it. I make what I can when I can and I know that it isn’t often enough but I have a family and a job and other responsibilities. I create when I can. Like now, I’ve got a minute or two to do this and I am. If that isn’t good enough, so it goes. I was also told a number of times that you ”either have the artist bug or you don’t. You either need to create or you don’t”. Basically it’s all or nothing, either go in for it a thousand percent or give up. To that attitude I have very few words and very few of them aren’t vulgar. So it goes.

    Creativity is about the journey and the process. For me the end result is less important. Do I like to have something nice when I’m done? Absolutely. Is it the only thing I’m going for? No.

  • House of Leaves pt. 2

    I have passed this volume onto my teenaged nephew via his mother, my sister-in-law. I’m not sure how good or bad of an idea that was. Only time will tell. I just needed the thing out of my hands, out of my house, out of my control. The whole thing was out of control. I can’t stop thinking about various scenes depicted in the novel. This one is staying with me and it doesn’t care if I want it to or not. Haunted. Remember, according to David Wong / Jason Pargin in “John Dies At The End”, “ghosts haunt minds”.

    I’m of the opinion that an academic writing on this would be redundant and contrary to one of the goals of the work. For an academic review and analysis please visit Wikipedia on the subject. I’ve read it over and it’s got some good content and the sources cited are also worth a perusal if not an in-depth inspection. Go down the rabbit hole. As much as I don’t want to, it’s inevitable that I’ll get lost there. The whole book is a rabbit hole. I’m lost.

    The subreddit is much more interesting than the Wikipedia though. r/houseofleaves has posters and posts from virtually every step of the journey. People have written in-depth analysis from completion and others have posted from their position in a book store contemplating the purchase. Many have tried to read it, some have failed. And for everyone who has attempted the book there is a unique analysis and opinion. Everybody has their own takeaway.

    In my reading about others opinions on “House of Leaves” I’ve come across many that make sense and some that are pretty far out, way off base in my inexpert opinion. Some have said it’s a satire of academic writing. Others call it horror and still some say romance, a love story of a kind. These are the three I agree with the most at this point.

    I’m going to stand by my last writing and say there’s definitely something about addiction worked into the whole novel. However, that’s not all there is.

    I’m certain that there’s something satirical about every horror story, movie, novel, etc. Just as there is also some kind of a love story in the vast majority of the horror genre. Everything references something else, nothing happens in a vacuum, and nothing in art / design is unintentional. Except for Dadaism and a few others. But I’m way off track here.

    I tool a long break from writing this and completely got lost as to where I was going. I can’t seem to pick up the trail.

    Fuck it.

    Zampano is an intellectual who can’t write. He’s a smart old man, but also blind. (How in the hell does a blind man watch a movie and write so in depth about it?) He prattles on and goes on massive tangents that seem to have nothing to do with anything, except it’s all intentional. That’s one aspect of the satire. Truant is his editor and has editors himself. Both get into the footnotes, Truant mostly, and go on tangents themselves. The sources cited don’t exist. The film doesn’t exist outside of the book. It’s all very carefully planned and plotted.

    The book is also a satire of the genre, of itself, of life. It’s a meta-novel. A book about itself. A book that exists in it’s own fictional realm. There are other works in which this is the case. However I’m not aware of any that are on this exact level. Correct me if I’m wrong. Please. Supply a list. I’ll read them. I need something new anyway.

    Look, I said I would put up another House of Leaves post and this is all I’ve got. I have nothing new to add to the discussion that already exists.

    The End.

  • House (Contains Spoilers)

    One may ask: “Where have you been?” Or perhaps: “What have you been doing” Maybe even: “Are you dead?” I’ll answer these in reverse order.

    I can say for pretty sure that I’m not dead, not a zombie, not some other kind of undead creature. And as for doing? Well, I’ve been reading a hell of a lot lately. In my last post I mentioned a project-book I’ve been working on reading, one that I was near completion on. Finished that son of a gun, and really enjoyed it too. The big mystery book was not “Infinite Jest” or “War and Peace” or even “Jerusalem”. I’ve tried tackling “Jerusalem” a few times in print, digitally, and even as an audio book. I have never made it more than half way before deciding to give up. Haven’t even tried the others.

    No, the book I was working on reading and understanding was none other than “House of Leaves” by Mark Z. Danielewski. I know it’s a classic at this point, maybe even vintage, and I could have read it any time in the past 25 years or so. But this was the right time for me to tackle it. And boy howdy did I ever enjoy it.

    I have not done any research on it, I just read the damn thing through cover to cover. Paperback. I had it sitting on my shelf long enough for it to start to smell like an old book. It was also next to some other old books and they probably contributed to the smell.

    Some of the things I liked best about it are (in no real order) that it contains itself: the book exists in the reality of the story within the pages. It comes up at least a few times. Characters read it or have read it and some have annotated. Also, the footnote system to tell the story of the compiler (Truant) was very smartly done. The pages where the typesetting was not just a standard left justify were particularly interesting to me as well. The reason for that being my background in printmaking and book arts and how I like to do the same thing or something similar with my personal work. I used to write in a spiral in my notebooks in high school and still do sometimes today. When I’m feeling frisky or deranged. It also reminded me of the shape poetry that started during the beat generation and continues today.

    The type made me feel like the book had control and I did not. True, I could close the cover and put it down for any length of time I deemed appropriate but, at the same time, I could not. The horror-mystery of it all kept me turning pages. Sometimes quickly, sometimes I had to go back and reread a passage to make sure of something. It kept me thinking and guessing and horrified. A thoroughly enjoyable experience for me. Also the footnotes that cite sources that don’t exist. Maybe the publishers and periodicals do, but the books and articles do not.

    I think the whole work is genius.

    This book owned almost all of my free time for a few months, not like I have a hell of a lot to begin with. Could I have finished it faster than I did? Absolutely, but I wanted to enjoy and savor it. Try to figure the damn thing out. Take my time. Gain whatever it is I could from the work.

    As far as the story goes (and here come the real spoilers): I feel like its absolutely about addiction. Every character, except the children, is addicted to something. Weather it’s their job/work, adventure, drugs and alcohol, sex and love, attention. I could go on.

    The house starts off as a normal house in Virginia. But when it opens up and become something else entirely is when the real story begins. But, really, it begins before that in the footnotes. The book is a book about a guy who acquires a trunk of notes written by a blind man about a movie that he’s watched, allegedly, thirty-eight times. Or more. The footnotes contain the story of the guy who found the trunk, the main body of the work is made from the notes he found. It’s a very interesting way to tell two stories at once. Every character has an addiction come up at some point and the extended house is the physical representation of the addiction. It changes to fit each person. Sometimes they experience it as a group, sometimes they end up solo. Eventually alone. The house consumes each character in one way or another, as it does whatever is left there by the characters. Holloway shoots his two employees and eventually himself. Tom is consumed by the abyss below. Navidson is the only real escapee, though a badly damaged one at that.

    We all have our addictions to whatever we are addicted to, from I.V. drugs to must-see TV.

    The house is like addiction in that ultimately it wants us. It wants us suffering as long as possible and then it wants us dead. The work is about suffering and addiction. On the surface it’s a horror story about a house that’s bigger on the inside with annotations by a party animal who suffers the consequences. Every character suffers greatly. Intensely. They’re all after something that doesn’t exist and will go beyond the ends of the Earth to find it, damning themselves in the process.

    I don’t want to say much more, but this book really messed with me on a personal level.

    I probably will never again read this book, but maybe I will. What is going to happen to me next is that I’m going to read something else and move on with my life. I’ll get back to making time for art without the excuse of a massive project to read. I’ll get back to making in general. I really miss it. I need it in my life. I’m also going to do some research on “House of Leaves” and come up with a more informed opinion of it. I know I could have done that already but I wanted to have a raw response to it, did, and now it’s time for other opinions to add to my own.

    But really going to make a bunch of projects I’ve put on the shelf for way too long.

  • Boy howdy

    It has been a long time since I’ve been here doing the thing. It’s been over two months and I’ve barely had time to put pen to paper or fingers to keys. I have been making. Not much. But some. Really, I’ve been reading a massive book and loving it. I have been saying to myself, over and over, “ you really should do a little review of this book when you’re done”. And I’m almost there now. A few hundred pages left and I’ll write said review. I might even post it here. Maybe. If it’s any good. The review, not the book. It’s a tried and true classic of a certain genre and I think widely regarded as at least decent if not good. Possibly great. I have been avoiding commentary and cliffnotes etc. on it to get an unadulterated take.

    In my limited free time I have been working on a larger-than-my-usual scale watercolor bonsai. Not too hard, but some. I’ve been going slow because I want it to be better than I’ve been doing with the visual aspect of making. I haven’t been really thrilled with anything I’ve done in a while because I feel like I’m rushing everything. It’s a habit. A bad habit. I like things to be done. Sometimes I choose done over done well or well done. However, I’ve been working on patience. With art. With myself. With others. With everything. Less so with this blog.

    I haven’t even thought too hard about this blog. It often crosses the mind, but I don’t dwell on the thing. I started this without any real idea of where to go or what I wanted to cover in this post. Just knowing that it’s been over two months made me anxious and feel like something, anything, has to be done.

    So here I am. Doing something. Writing something.

    There is a big picture idea in the works. Something that will really take quite a bit of time to complete. Possibly years. I’ve been researching how to do it, what platform might work best, how to pay for it. Everything. I’m planning on a massive time investment with a minimal financial investment. Hopefully. There is very little certainty with this idea of a project. It has been kicking around my brain and todos since I was at MICA. I’ve even had more than a few false starts on it. This could be the real start of a real something.

    I don’t want to go into more detail here and now. But soon. Maybe very soon. I’ve got a long weekend coming soon and I’ll be outside of the normal space so I’m hopeful that without the regular rigmarole of regular life I can get started or get something else finished and get moving.

    More will be revealed

  • Creation in Isolation VS a Vacuum

    Ex nihilo nihil fit
    -Latin saying

    I have a fairly good size print that says just that. Actually, I have a whole mess of “Phrase Prints” left over from my thesis at MICA. Too many to count. I really want to find one of this phrase and hang it up on my wall somewhere. Make a big ol’ reminder to myself, like a grossly oversized Post-It note. Maybe tattoo it on my arm/hand so I can’t lost or ignore it.

    I have been existing not in a creative vacuum but in relatively complete creative isolation. Now that I’m outside of the “MICA bubble”, living in the suburbs with my family and not in the city with creatives and friends I’m finding it really difficult to find like-minded creative individuals. Really ever since Covid hit my whole creative life (among other aspects of life) has been all out of whack. It was already on the decline since graduation, but Covid was a major blow I haven’t found a complete recovery from.

    During the pandemic and for a while afterward (and still today, apparently) there was a Facebook page dedicate to creatives who were making in isolation. The page is, aptly enough, called “Made in Isolation” and was created by a friend of mine. During the pandemic it was great, thriving, community. But I just logged onto it and gave it a scroll-though to see if it was still active and how active it is. There are only a few names I saw as contributors. Maybe I didn’t scroll long enough or deep enough, but it seems like dwindling page.

    Regardless, that was one way we avoided complete isolation and a vacuum during the pandemic. Now that things have seemingly (for the time being) settled down on that front, I’m still finding myself in relative isolation. Not a vacuum though. That’s only because of the social media aspect of life today, and the dedicated postings of a large handful of creatives I follow. It may be all a mediated experience seen on the screens, but it’s something. I haven’t been to a museum or gallery in ages, not even the trusty BMA, in way too long. I feel like I’ve lost the thread entirely. I’m still making, still in the maker / creative life. However, not the way I was / want and need to be. Still making. But it’s not up to snuff, not as fulfilling as I need it to be.

    I have found, some time ago, another Facebook group for Baltimore-based creatives. I’ve joined the page but have avoided going to the events they hold. And I haven’t posted anything there. Some of the cause of that is the events aren’t free, there’s the availability / scheduling difficulties, family life, etc. But that’s not all of the reason I don’t participate. Call it a lack of motivation or drive. Call it whatever you want. Some part of it is wiling isolation because I don’t want to have to meet new people and face criticism or the need to explain myself to new people. It’s fear. It’s misanthropy. But mostly fear or new people, situations, all of that. Not that there’s anything I really need to explain or fear. It’s just there nagging me to say home.

    I guess I could start a facebook page or group to do the exact same thing. But that feels redundant and pointless. Also like something I don’t want to be responsible for or maintain or deal with. So it goes.

    What really needs to be done is that I need to get over myself and do something new. New to me at least. I’ll have to figure out what that means. Somehow.

    Nothing comes from nothing. Nothing comes from a vacuum. Nothing worthwhile or good at any rate. The isolation is also stifling, but there is some relief from that due to the input from the internet and social media. I do not exist in a total vacuum. Nothing can, by definition.

  • A Little Landscape

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    Just a little gray-day plein air watercolor. Far from a perfect piece. It’s 8″x5″ of a sketchbook page. I don’t think it’s outstanding in any way but it has a certain kind of poorly-drawn charm to it.

  • So it’s been a while…

    …about a month, little over, and what have I been doing for the past month? Well, I’ll tell you it’s nothing amazing. The most I’ve done has been adding rows to a spreadsheet. Said spreadsheet is a collection of the metrics and metadata from my journals of the past 16 years or so. The data I’m collecting is very basic stuff: Date, Time, Number of Line Written, Ink Color, Which Book I Wrote In, and if it was at least a full page. That’s actually all. I’ve gotten over 300 rows of data and I expect many, many more. I’m pretty sure I’m missing a number of journals because there’s a huge gap and I don’t remember not journaling for so long. Maybe I didn’t. Maybe it’s all lost to the aether. The sands of time, etc.

    The goal of all this digital data collection is to make myself, for myself, a basic infographic of my journaling history. Just a couple of graphs to see what I’ve done over the past 16 years. From January 2009 to now. My thinking is that at the rate I’m going it will be a year before I’m current with the entries. I’m not moving super fast even though I’m trying to gather this basic data without reading the entries. Really trying to not read any of the entries but also can’t help it. A word, a phrase, a name, a place, anything might jump out to me and I get sucked in. Never a pleasant read. Not by a long shot.

    Apparently I mostly journal when I’m upset about something. When I’m unhappy. Angry. A happy / excited entry is exceedingly rare. Almost never appears. Maybe it’s a symptom of depression, or a cause. Potentially both. Could it be i’m just a fucked-up individual who hates himself? Yes. It could be. There’d a definite, non-zero chance of that. Now, I’m not reading every entry, as I’ve said, however it’s not looking like I’ve been content with life. Ever. I need to talk about this more in a private setting, not so much on a public blog.

    I’m planning on these graphs giving me some insight into my overall journaling habits. I’m not 100% sure they will though, based on the limited information I’m graphing. I could try transcribing them into a program to break them down based on content, word by word. However, that would be largely fruitless and impossible because I can’t read every word I’ve written. I might be able to read 50% of them at best. Probably way less than that. Just terrible penmanship getting worse every day. Why? Wish I knew. It’s not lack of effort when I write but probably something mechanical, medical, or mental. I have books on improving penmanship but have found they don’t really do anything for me. I don’t keep up with the exercises in them. I know.

    Another big reason I don’t want to do the whole transcription is because I don’t want the entries in my journals becoming public because of a data-breach of some kind. If that were to happen they definitely wouldn’t let me out. I’m sure everybody who journals puts things down on paper they don’t want to be public knowledge. I can’t imagine anyone that would be OK with that. and that’s one of the main reasons I don’t do digital journaling. This is as close as I get to that. Also, I really just enjoy putting pen and pencil to paper to get thoughts out. The disconnect I have between thinking and typing is too great to overcome for journaling on a regular basis.

  • On Thank You

    First and foremost, thank you for taking time to read my little blog. Should you choose to donate to my little cause, thank you again. If you decide not to donate, thanks just the same. I’m not in this for some amount of money or fame but for self improvement and accountability. The idea is if i post progress somewhere I’ll be more consistent and productive. Hasn’t been 100% effective if i’m completely honest.

    Part of what helps me most is accountability, and the other part is having a deadline. Together the two are really effective because what’s a deadline if nobody but me knows it. For example: this weekend off I have really big plans. Having said what I just said, I’m really hesitant to put out there what those plans are because that makes them a “must do” in my mind. The problems I run into are: that I don’t have enough time to actually complete the list 100%, I’ll be really hard on myself if I fail to hit the marks, and that I set the bar extremely high for myself. Unreasonably high. It’s an ongoing issue/challenge for me.

    I set up goals that are impossible to accomplish entirely in the time allotted. Weather the time is a day weekend, week, month, etc. I never really get them all the way done. I try. Sometimes I get a 90% day or weekend. Usually less. Weeks are an even lower percentage. I tell myself lies and say I’m happy/content with a 50% when really I’m not. I want that 100% and nothing else counts. This issue is because of the education system I was raised in. I wanted the highest marks possible but was only willing to put in but so much of the work. I usually did pretty good most of the time, somewhere between 90-100%. Not always, but I did always 100% beat myself up for not being perfect. For not getting the perfect score and being done the test first.

    What needs to happen is that the idea of less than perfect being enough, in many ways such as making or completing things goes. I have a pretty strong track record of starting and not completing things. There’s only so much I’ve actually successfully completed. And I, of course, argue both sides with myself about all of those things. Such as: Was it really completely successful and complete and perfect? 100%? Did I follow through after the fact? Did I keep up with it? Am I proud of this work or myself for this work? Did it work out 100% according to plan? Does it matter?

    I’m my own worst advocate.

    Critic.

    Whatever.

    So, long story short: I’m grateful that you’re reading this. Thank you.

  • Unlimited Pallet Pt. 2

    I have finished the Swatch Sheet from Grabie. It only took about a week of filling it in my free time. I have to say that I’m really pleased with all of the colors in the kit.

    I know here will still be the struggle of too many options and wanting to use them all at the same time and ending up with muddy colors. Potentially. Know Thyself… Nosce Te Ipsum… I believe that’s the Latin translation of the Greek. Whatever. Something like that at any rate.

    This is just a brief update on progress with the new pallet. Thank you. More to come soon.

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  • Limited Pallets VS…

    I’m writing this the Sunday after my Birthday and I’m writing this in front of the TV with music on. Forgive me if this is disjointed, I’m doing my best. Thank you in advance whoever is reading this, you are appreciated.

    I have been working on a few more bonsai in my little watercolor book. These two pictured are the most recent and are both still works in progress (as of right now). I’m not really satisfied with either one as a completed page but I had to stop them where they are because of time constraints and running out of steam. The plan is to return to them later and bring them to a higher level of finish.

    Currently, and for some time, I have been working in a limited pallet of 12 colors (including white and black) from an old Koi sketch box. I really like this kit and have been using it off nad on for years so I’m familiar with it. I know that all the colors work together, I have a cool and a warm of the primaries, warm and cool green, and two earth tones, as well as black and white. I can mix pretty well based on that selection. However, it is limiting in both good and bad ways.

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    There is a forced decision making aspect to any limited pallet that I enjoy. I like being forced to make the secondary and tertiary colors, tints and shades, etc. I choose to make my own black out of ultramarine and burnt umber for the purpose of controlling color temperature better. I also choose to make my own greens most of the time even though they are provided. I do use the base greens (clearly, as pictured) maybe a little more than I would like to admit to. Probably too often actually, and it shows in my work. One alternative is a larger pallet (which I will get into later) while another alternative would be to mix all of my own greens and play and experiment more. Couldn’t hurt, right?

    Experimentation and play are crucial to art as a whole. Without both there would be no art. As far back as any record goes, and I do mean cave paintings, it’s impossible to imagine that experimentation and play were not present. Every movement requires both.

    But I digress. There is a new development in what I have access to. That being a larger pallet, much larger. 168 colors to be exact. I asked for it for my birthday and got it, now I’m overwhelmed with options. The place to start would be a swatch sheet (which they conveniently included). And that is certainly where I intend to begin. Soon. However, this new set/kit opens up a whole world of options. Many, many more colors to experiment and play with. It also opens up a universe of options for failure, the opportunity to pick the wrong color and fail dismally. It could also be a wonderful thing and really allow for great explorations. The thing is that won’t know until I start playing with it. So here goes…

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