This is for me, personally. There is a need for balance in life. There are many different aspects to be balanced, and while certain ones are balanced others are simultaneously thrown into imbalance. There is no way I have found for everything in my life to be in accord with everything else. There is a certain degree of acceptance of the imperfect that has to exist for me to find any semblance of peace. I have found that in order to balance my art making practice (for example) with everything else I have to do my sleep schedule suffers because there are only so many hours available in a day. This elevates both depression and anxiety. While these elements are elevated I find that I am much more artistically creative. More or less. However, there is also a balance between depression and anxiety where if there is too much of either then I am completely unable to be productive artistically or otherwise. And the opposite is true too; if I am not at all engaged in making art then depression and anxiety are elevated. 

Lately (like in the past six months or so) I have had a major shift into consumption of media and away from making or being creative. I have been reading way too much, more than I really need to. Three books simultaneously right now and I’ll probably be adding a fourth soon. I’ve spread myself far too intellectually thin here. And even thinner in the productivity arena. While at work I try to spend some of my lunch break doing something to keep myself sane. Or I spend that time talking with coworkers which helps me maintain a few different elements in relative balance. But for the most part I end up wasting time doomscrolling. At home in the evenings and on off days I do that too, or watch a bunch of tv that I don’t have any real interest in or enjoy. 

So far this year, as I have laid out in my 2026 Goals, I’ve been a little better about making time for myself. Time to do things I find enjoyable. I have managed to go to the library a few times, done some sketchbook drawings, and I’ve even made it to the gym. All of those elements together balance pretty nicely. It all helps to reduce the depression and anxiety. In general it has also helped alleviate some insomnia. The plan or goal is to keep up the streak for a year or ninety days or or a month a day at a time, a step at a time. And also to try to make a decent habit of doing these things for myself so it gets easier to do. 

However, again, there are only so many hours in a day or week to do everything. Some things end up suffering. As far as I’m concerned there hasn’t been anything too severely cut out of my life by this regimen. Yet. But I’ll see as time goes on. I haven’t been sleeping in as late as I like to on my weekend days, which is a small but good victory. I’d rather get up and do something even if it’s small. After a few small things adding up there goes the whole day for me. It would be completely different if I didn’t have to go to work ever week. Or maybe that’s what I need to do as much as I have been able to on my off time. I don’t know but will never because I’m not independently wealthy. Would be nice though. Maybe. Maybe not. 

— at this point I’ve taken a fairly lengthy break in writing and have lost my momentum and continuity. I am typing to try to get it back but it hasn’t worked yet. I might drop off here or resume later. I’ll see  —

— I never made it back

here’s a drawing: