First and foremost, thank you for taking time to read my little blog. Should you choose to donate to my little cause, thank you again. If you decide not to donate, thanks just the same. I’m not in this for some amount of money or fame but for self improvement and accountability. The idea is if i post progress somewhere I’ll be more consistent and productive. Hasn’t been 100% effective if i’m completely honest.

Part of what helps me most is accountability, and the other part is having a deadline. Together the two are really effective because what’s a deadline if nobody but me knows it. For example: this weekend off I have really big plans. Having said what I just said, I’m really hesitant to put out there what those plans are because that makes them a “must do” in my mind. The problems I run into are: that I don’t have enough time to actually complete the list 100%, I’ll be really hard on myself if I fail to hit the marks, and that I set the bar extremely high for myself. Unreasonably high. It’s an ongoing issue/challenge for me.

I set up goals that are impossible to accomplish entirely in the time allotted. Weather the time is a day weekend, week, month, etc. I never really get them all the way done. I try. Sometimes I get a 90% day or weekend. Usually less. Weeks are an even lower percentage. I tell myself lies and say I’m happy/content with a 50% when really I’m not. I want that 100% and nothing else counts. This issue is because of the education system I was raised in. I wanted the highest marks possible but was only willing to put in but so much of the work. I usually did pretty good most of the time, somewhere between 90-100%. Not always, but I did always 100% beat myself up for not being perfect. For not getting the perfect score and being done the test first.

What needs to happen is that the idea of less than perfect being enough, in many ways such as making or completing things goes. I have a pretty strong track record of starting and not completing things. There’s only so much I’ve actually successfully completed. And I, of course, argue both sides with myself about all of those things. Such as: Was it really completely successful and complete and perfect? 100%? Did I follow through after the fact? Did I keep up with it? Am I proud of this work or myself for this work? Did it work out 100% according to plan? Does it matter?

I’m my own worst advocate.

Critic.

Whatever.

So, long story short: I’m grateful that you’re reading this. Thank you.