(A note: I wrote the following out on paper in pencil and this is my best attempt at transcribing it. There is commentary after the transcription.)

I really like the feeling of physical mark making. I also love the feeling and sound of a pencil on paperThe words I write end up being mostly completely unreadable by the end of whatever it is I start, and I forget how I started so I cant even really go back and translate or transcribe what I wrote. Call it a safety measure. More like a fail-safe for whoever finds my journal. A solid way to keep any prying eyes at bay. Whatever. Probably not the best idea I’ve ever had. Not really an idea. Just an excuse. Fuck it. I’m nowhere near where I wanted with this. But the real question is “What did I plan on saying anyway?” I really wish I had any idea of that anymore. Completely lost. Gone forever. Probably.

I think, maybe, I was going to have a little rant about digital art and creation versus physical in my own life and experience. I’ve had my fair share of both modes of creation in my day, but as I find myself older and crankier the will to learn a different way of doing things just isn’t there the way it once was. Yes i’m 37 (almost 38) and that’t not ancient in the grand scheme of life. But I’m being a little baby about learning 3-d modeling on the computer. It’s difficult for me and I’m not really putting in the effort needed to become competent in it.

It’s a new thing to me, at least TinkerCAD is. Sure I did a bunch of digital work in school in Graphic Design classes. But that translated better in my mind. Flat to flat. Screen to paper. There’s just a huge disconnect for my brain for flat of the screen containing a 3-d thing. Something just doesn’t translate upstairs for me.

Long story short: Waaaah I’m (feeling) dumb and lazy, apparently. Maybe neither. But maybe both. The world may never know. I probably wont either. “Know Thyself” is going to escape me forever apparently.

What I do know though is that I really do like making. Even if it sucks. Even if nobody likes it. But especially if it’s decent and people like it. Who doesn’t like validation.

Fuck it. I’ve said enough here for today. And besides, my back, eyes, and hand / arm are sore from all of this. Don’t get old.

Later all

Commentary

I probably should have outlined this before I wrote it. Definitely would have helped me stay on track. I’m still going to be all over the place here because I apparently don’t learn from my mistakes. To further complicate matters I’m also watching TV.

Whatever.

The initial plan was to write a sort of a love letter to physical mark making and then move into the digital comparison. Well, that was a schwing and amish. Google that phrase. Theres a joke there. Instead I complained about myself, my favorite person to complain about.

I’ve done the physical thing for so long that I really don’t fully understand the allure of the digital for everything. I can type something up and write a little bit digitally but i still very much so prefer to do it by hand. I understand that I get tired and sore doing so, just lacking stamina for the little details of writing. It’s much easier to draw for a long time because the motion isn’t all in the hand and wrist. The whole arm and really my whole body get involved when i’m doing a drawing. It kind of turns into a weird arhythmic dance, which is just me dancing. Poorly. But its all can do.

The graphic design I’ve done on the computer makes sense to me. Intellectually, some art is best done digitally. And I know it has its place. I just cant fully wrap my mind around it. Some of the people I know who are digital illustrators admit to knowing as little as possible about physical materials for art making. I’m specifically thinking of an exchange I had with a coworker and fellow MICA grad in which he said he knew nothing about mixing colors. I was and still am blown away by this. I’m sure people who may be reading this are equally blown away by how old fashioned I sound by my inability to do the digital thing. So it goes. Call me an old fart. I am.

Thanks!